I’m a fool for stand-up comedy, and lots of one-liners and references have made their way into the Banks household lexicon. As with my books, music, and movies, I’ve got prodigal tastes that include things that might surprise even those who know me best.
So let me here admit: I love the Blue Collar Comedy Tour films. Don’t judge me–that’s some funny stuff right there. We laugh at Jeff Foxworthy’s redneck jokes, but if we’re honest, we know that more of them apply to more of us than is comfortable. And as a joke format, it’s just about perfect.
So, for today’s Friday Night Lists post, here’s my spin on Foxworthy’s list. If you don’t recognize them all, fire up that Google machine! I’m sure I’m leaving out a billion things, so if you’ve got one that should be included, be sure to leave it in comments! Hopefully, this conveys my general view that geekdom is universal, and everyone’s a geek about something.
You Might Be A Geek If…
… you know that MUDs, MOOs, and MUSHes aren’t limited to a barnyard.
… you know that 1964 1/2 is a real model year for the Ford Mustang.
… you know that K1P1YO and 1.e4 c6 2.d4 d5 actually spell something.
… you know the difference between declension and conjugation.
… you know what “frabjous” and “brillig” mean.
… you know Ted Williams’ lifetime batting average.
… you know why 2 pistons and 1 pin are the basis of a copyrighted sound.
… you’ve ever reamed a pearl.
… you know that you’ve probably seen the movie “Blue Harvest.”
… you have a favorite Federalist Paper.
… you’ve ever had to explain the joke on your t-shirt to someone.
… you’ve ever made a costume for a convention, but you take shirts to the dry cleaner for mending.
… you care deeply about the Oxford Comma.
… you have a favorite Doctor.
… you’ve ever paid for shareware.
… you’ve ever written shareware.
… you’ve ever risked serious bodily harm for the perfect photograph.
… you carry a Sharpie so you can correct punctuation on signs.
… you’ve ever bought a new die because “the old one doesn’t work.”
… you’ve ever bought wooden knitting or crochet needles so nobody hears if you drop them in church.
… you can tell the difference between Chinese, Indonesian, and Vietnamese cinnamon by smell.
… you use a thermometer and a timer to make tea.
… your child must cite history and/or literature when introducing themselves by name.
… your body bears a tattoo featuring a mythical beast and/or language.
… you wish they made trading cards for astrophysicists.
… you took the day off work to celebrate the solution of Fermat’s Theorem.
… a museum or library security guard has ever let you “take your time” because they know you so well.
… you’ve ever walked out of a movie because the inaccuracies were ruining the whole experience.
… you’ve ever been kicked out of the room during “Jeopardy!” or “Trivial Pursuit.”
… you have to remind yourself that Malcolm X wasn’t a medieval Scottish king.
… you own your own libretto for any work.
… you know who Weapon X is, and what the X stands for.
… you can name more than four Beatles or Kryptonians.
… your boxen have ever frotzed.
… you can sing Tom Lehrer’s “The Elements.”
… you know there’s a male Pink and a female Pink.
… you’ve ever heard of the Butlerian Jihad.
… you’ve ever traded bottlecaps for a stimpak in Megaton.
… you’ve ever bought a lottery ticket with the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42.
… you’ve bowed your head for a moment of silence in the direction of Reach or Hera.
… you’ve ever played a video game so much, you dreamed about it after you went to sleep.
… you’ve ever complained about a sign’s kerning.
… you’ve ever blamed your kid’s misbehavior on Mercury.
… you can recognize the sounds of a glockenspiel, a celeste, or Franklin’s armonica.