{"id":1013,"date":"2015-09-03T22:15:45","date_gmt":"2015-09-03T22:15:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/profbanks.com\/?p=1013"},"modified":"2015-09-03T22:15:45","modified_gmt":"2015-09-03T22:15:45","slug":"alright","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/profbanks.com\/?p=1013","title":{"rendered":"Alright"},"content":{"rendered":"

You know what feels really great?<\/p>\n

Walking down the very middle of a street.<\/p>\n

No, really, I highly recommend it. The first time I ever did it, I was in the company of about 1 million other people streaming down the middle of Pennsylvania Avenue in 2004 as part of a demonstration of support for women\u2019s choices in reproductive health care. I\u2019ve also enjoyed many of Minnesota\u2019s fine thoroughfares this way: Nicollet Mall, Hennepin Avenue, University Avenue, Snelling Avenue, I-35, to name a few.<\/p>\n

Most recently, I strolled back up Snelling Avenue at a leisurely pace, following the peaceful and successful #BlackFair demonstration. I was still working in my marshal role, but I only had half as many people to look out for. So I was taking up as much space as I felt like, because nobody gets a lot of opportunities to stretch out on this planet, and I\u2019m not one to let them pass me by.<\/p>\n

I complimented a fellow marcher on her excellent sign, and we got to talking about the action and what else we were setting aside from our busy lives to participate. I asked what brought her out, in her walking cast boot, and she replied simply, \u201cActivism is my self-care.\u201d<\/p>\n

Deep inside, I heard the resounding chime of the Bell of Truth, because I agreed so strongly with that statement. Activism is my self-care too. That\u2019s true despite the physical toll that direct actions have on my thoroughly unreliable body; I would spend Sunday in bed recovering from Saturday\u2019s events.<\/p>\n

But as the meetings for #BlackFair and planning for other actions kicked into gear earlier that week, I noticed the immediate impact it had on my depression. The mental and social engagement of planning with old and new friends blew through that dark bank of clouds like a brisk wind. I found myself not only excited to keep building the movement, but the sunshine woke up other parts of me that had slept through the long, sad summer. I made plans to pick up some cloth to make crafts for friends; I opened files for the book I\u2019m writing and started building sandcastles of plot again.<\/p>\n

\"Marshal<\/a>Community organizing in the movement is good for me in other ways, too. I don\u2019t really just attend demonstrations as one of the crowd anymore\u2014I\u2019d much rather put on my oh-so-stylish neon vest and work to keep people safe and supported as they take part in the action. This is one of the few things I will admit to being good at, that gives me any sense of pride in my competence and skill.<\/p>\n

I like to joke that, \u201cI don\u2019t marshal; I mother.\u201d That\u2019s more true than people realize. I don\u2019t just come ready to redirect traffic or crowds, I come with the Mom Bag loaded for bear: full first-aid jump kit, snacks and drinks, tissues, sunscreen, even bubbles for the little (or not-so-little) ones. It takes all lanes of my busy, pattern-seeking, autistic brain occupied to be constantly scanning the crowd and the environment for potential hazards and those needing help. And solving problems big and small\u2014from checking in with mobility-challenged participants to de-escalating people seeking to disrupt the demonstration\u2014gives me the feeling of protecting and emotionally supporting my Beloved Community.\u00a0\"Marshal<\/a><\/p>\n

And I laugh with joy when I see people really getting into a chant, or when we\u2019ve got a sound system on the back of a truck to pump out the jams for a dance party in the middle of an intersection. I see them participating with their whole bodies and souls in acts that center marginalized people and help them take up that space and sound on the planet to which each of us is entitled. It fills me up with powerful hope for the future, and energizes me to create more of those spaces that so strongly affirm every person\u2019s beauty and dignity.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Image courtesy of MPR News (http:\/\/images.publicradio.org\/content\/2015\/01\/19\/20150119_mlkmarch19_53.jpg)<\/p><\/div>\n

But I realized that I haven\u2019t been IN those spaces for many months now, maybe years. I run the edges, solve problems, help where needed, which is so absorbing that, when I see photos after the fact, I don\u2019t even have any memories of people doing those things. I don\u2019t always get to link hands with everyone and participate in the powerful chant by Assata Shakur<\/a> that reminds us of our duty to fight for freedom, to love and protect one another. And when \u201cAlright\u201d by Kendrick Lamar<\/a> starts blasting from the speakers and everyone dances, I\u2019m usually standing stock still in a crosswalk. Last time this happened, I faced down a muscle car driven by an angry white dude who hit the gas three blocks away, to screech from 45 mph down to zero only six inches away from my shins, looking me in the eyes the whole time.<\/p>\n

\"I'm<\/a>

I’m the one with the text on the back of my shirt. Photo credit: Chris Juhn.<\/p><\/div>\n

I hope nobody in that circle of wild, glorious dance really noticed that car, or even me. I hope the music and empowerment blinded them to everything but the other beautiful faces in that crowd. I hope the people I help when I marshal only remember someone kind, not my face, not even my hair.<\/p>\n

But I\u2019m not sure if I\u2019ll ever feel missed or wanted in those crowds. And I\u2019m not sure if who I am\u2014the depression, the self-esteem, the knowledge that I\u2019m not who the movement is for (or should be about)\u2014is even capable of dancing to the words \u201cWe gonna be alright.\u201d I’m not sure what this movement would mean to me if I could.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You know what feels really great? Walking down the very middle of a street. No, really, I highly recommend it. The first time I ever did it, I was in the company of about 1 million other people streaming down the middle of Pennsylvania Avenue in 2004 as part of a demonstration of support for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[74],"tags":[555,554,130,107,297,540,526],"class_list":["post-1013","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-psychology","tag-blackfair","tag-blacklivesmatter","tag-activism","tag-depression","tag-mental-health","tag-organizing","tag-social-justice"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/profbanks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1013","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/profbanks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/profbanks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/profbanks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/profbanks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1013"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/profbanks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1013\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1020,"href":"https:\/\/profbanks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1013\/revisions\/1020"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/profbanks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1013"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/profbanks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1013"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/profbanks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1013"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}