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<\/a>And it did help, since I\u2019m a wonky weirdo. Working to help pass the Safe and Supportive Minnesota Schools Act to provide strong anti-bullying legislation for our state\u2019s kids was hard but familiar and empowering work, with some of my favorite people on the whole planet. I pitched in on the minimum wage increase and expungement reform too. I had places I was needed and appreciated, and my calendar was full and fulfilling.<\/p>\nBut as those campaigns wound down, I felt myself begin to fray and flail again, instead of staying revived. At first, I told myself it was just my health that seemed to demand more naps and fewer commitments. But my temper grew as short as my endurance, and my motivation guttered like a bad candle that burned down too fast. Upsetting things that would\u2019ve normally blown through like a storm wrecked me for hours and days. Things I\u2019d looked forward to for months–like winning major legislative victories–only gave me a short burst of pleasure. The only pastime I engaged in was reading, and I recognized that I was using it for refuge more than relaxation.<\/p>\n
So here I am, admitting the thing right as it\u2019s happening to me: I have relapsed into depression. Yes, it\u2019s been worse, but it\u2019s not exactly good. Yes, I\u2019m doing what I should be: taking meds, making appointments. No, I don\u2019t have a talk therapist\u2014my ability and tendency to talk over and around my feelings makes the exercise hardly worth the cost.<\/p>\n
And yes, it\u2019s improving with the weather. That is to say, so slowly as to be imperceptible. In the meantime, I\u2019m planning, planting, dancing, and picking up my obligations again. The hardest thing right now is not to fall hard at the least little resistance I encounter. It\u2019s also not easy to move out of the myopic fogbank I\u2019ve steered into. I haven\u2019t felt creative for months because I literally cannot see beyond my immediate circumstances, and even the smallest creative endeavor requires a bit of vision. I\u2019m working hard to overcome that perspective, but support is always appreciated.<\/p>\n
And in the meantime, I\u2019m trying to remember that spring is coming, slowly but surely.<\/p>\n